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i'm not here - this isn't happening - last entry / next entry - Bitching - Anorexic chic | 2001-10-31 11:38 a.m.What is the deal?! I am in an extremely foul mood. I have no urge to do any work whatsoever. Maybe it was the chocolate I had earlier. Now I don't know what to do. I want to flush my system of it, but I don't want to eat anything else! Well, that isn't going to improve my attitude, anyway. I'm organizing files right now. There is more interesting work to do, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I would rather be at the gym or at home cross-stitching. Or sleeping. Sleeping sounds very good. But I'm here. I don't usually complain about my work. It's just been so dull these past couple of weeks. At least it's already 11:40. That's a relief. The day is *almost* half over. God. What is taking it so long? Why am I so bitchy? It's not like me..... ha. At least not at work. I should be working on stability chamber stuff or something good. Instead I'm filing, which I hate. I just can't focus. What will focus me? Nothing. A run would. But I really can't run right now or expend my energy in any way. So much to do. This place really is a mess, too. I need to straighten up and fly right. Don't know how or when that's going to happen. Can I meditate while I'm here? Need to lay off of the diet dew. It wasn't even this bad on REGULAR dew. I want to be doing something extremely creative. Not food or flavors. Music or art or SOMETHING. Not this. What a day. What can I do? Ramble ramble ramble ramble. I've been thinking about this girl who I saw working at a Dunkins in Manchester, NH. She was so emaciated. I guess she worked there to remind herself why she hated food. I wanted to grab her and shove a couple donuts down her throat. Or confront her. Or give her a pamphlet. Honey, you need help. You're surrounded by food and you're starving yourself to death. I'll admit readily that I am jealous of people who are thinner than me. I'm obsessed with thin, in fact. But that was just wrong. I like the girls in running suits in SELF, not THAT kind of weak, sickly looking thin. Thin and toned is fine. It was WRONG I tell you. She looked like a wind could have come along and blown her over at any moment. Or that she was going to pass out. How could her parents not notice or do anything?!?!?!? Guess it's just my German upbringing coming out. Here, have more wienerschnitzel, dear. How sick. It reminds me that I AM JUST FINE THE WAY I AM. Listening to:
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