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i'm not here - this isn't happening - last entry / next entry - Explanation | 2001-11-08 9:13 a.m.I would like to welcome you to my diary. To the left you see my history... my life as it were. To the right you will see my hopes and wishes, and what I want to be. Next we will walk into the Thursday room. >>Yawn<< Woke up late this morning. R and I are leaving for Boston this evening, right after my lab. So I expected to get up at 7 and get ready for work and finish packing. Apparently I hit the OFF button on the alarm and woke up at 7:45. I rushed around getting ready. Ugh, I hate being rushed. But I didn't have a chance to eat breakfast. I'm not hungry yet anyway. Perhaps I should explain myself to newcomers at my site, especially those friends I have invited to visit. I do not CURRENTLY suffer from an eating disorder. I believe I did when I lived in Germany, about 8 years ago. I was never diagnosed as having an ED, but if I told you my "symptoms" you would probably agree with me. I still exhibit traits of having an ED. I have taken those online tests, and they tell me, "GO SEE A PROFESSIONAL IMMEDIATELY." Snicker. My professional only tells me I have anxiety disorder. Back off mr. computer. It's not like I'm fading away here. I've been between 130-145 pounds for the last 4 years. Which reminds me, I remember two years ago when I was living with MH and R, one day I got on the scale and it was right below 130. Wow! I thought, this must be wrong! So I went to the gym and weighed myself, and it was the same. I wasn't even trying to lose weight, but last I had checked I was about 145 (about 3 months before). Apparently I was doing all the right things. So I figure this is just a phase I'm going through. I'm extremely obsessed with my weight at this moment, but it will fade. Going through the Victoria's Secret website is extremely triggering, what can I say? I'm jealous. That's not to say that when I look in the mirror I'm unhappy. I have a very nice hourglass figure. But it could stand to be a couple less inches across. I'm still young yet, and I'm allowed to have my fantasies. So, moving onto other talk.... I'm on the last bear of my cross stitching! I should put a picture of it up here so you know what I'm talking about. It's REALLY EXCITING FOR ME!!!! I've been working on this thing for 3 years, and I'm finally finishing it! R said something yesterday that really suprised me. He was talking about his friend Rick, wondering if he's happy when he goes home at night. I asked what he meant. Rick lives alone, he explained. I said, well weren't you happy before I moved in? No. I'm not a bachelor type, he said. >>bells and whistles enter here<< Much different from the way he used to talk, I tell you. But very interesting.... :) Also, to wrap up yesterday's business:
I must get to work. Taking tomorrow off. THANK GOD. I need a vacation, even if I use it to go to the library to study Physics. :) PLEASE SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!!! :)P.S. Disney World in 2 weeks!!!! YAY!!!!!
Update:
PB crackers (I'm not used to skipping breakfast, although I REALLY wasn't all that hungry!) 190 calories
Oh, yeah, I should mention, I work in the food industry. The irony. My official title is "Flavor Lab Assistant." It's so much fun playing around with stinky chemicals. :) My favorite is benzaldehyde, which is a cherry flavor. Yum. Runner up is Ethyl Butyrate, which makes me think of Carefree Original flavor. Listening to:
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