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i'm not here - this isn't happening - last entry / next entry - Tenenbaums - 127 | 01.09.02 10:28 amWe went to see The Royal Tenenbaums last night. Wes and Owen? Dears? What were you thinking? I laughed throughout the entire thing, and I loved it, even though it was completely fucked up. R exited the theater and said, "That was a waste of 2 hours of my life." Anyway, I am so completely bored today. I've been mixing flavors into gum and my hands are tired and sore. I told R before I left that I didn't want to go to work today, and he said, "Then don't." That wasn't quite the motivational speech I was looking for. I had a horrible dream last night. In it, R and I were married, but I had sex with some old, married man. I felt so incredibly guilty. And then I realized that we hadn't used protection and I hadn't even asked him if he was clean. I was relieved when I awoke to find, yes, in fact, it was just a dream. But I still felt like shite for dreaming it. I overslept to boot. Must have hit that damned "off" button which is right next to the snooze button. I still don't understand that. R absolutely hates it when I cross stitch. I have been trying to figure out why. Is it because it is something creative and he's jealous? Is it that he cannot be involved in any way? So I was thinking that I would like to get him into my hobby, but how? I don't think he could cross stitch. I would love to just show him how, just once. For a laugh. He doesn't even know how it works. Well, anyway. I know I sound a bit like a child when I say this, but I don't want to look for a job! Don't make me! I'm lacking the necessary motivation for this period of my life. I want to get back into bed and hide under the covers. I want to forget about this existence. I don't want to have to pay bills. I want to just clean the house and cook. Nothing else. I'm tired. And bored. Leave me alone. Like Office Space. I don't like paying bills, I don't think I'm going to do it any more. What's a depressed female to do? Listening to:
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