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i'm not here - this isn't happening - last entry / next entry - Almost there - 125 | 01.30.02 10:01 pmThe movers are coming tomorrow at 7:30. Soon it will all be over with. I have to stay until Friday night though because the carpet cleaners can't come until that afternoon. I still don't get why we have to get the carpets cleaned if the rental people are just going to have it cleaned again. The carpet is stained, get over it! Just replace it and be done with it! R is a ninny about the mail. Let go! The PO is going to screw it all up anyway, so why even try to get control over the whole situation!? I've been eating like mad. Today was not nearly as bad as yesterday. But still. I'm just so nervous, I don't know what to do with myself. Take two Zoloft instead of one? Yeah... that would be fun (hint of sarcasm, because side effects are the worst the first week, like nausea, bloating, etc. as the body gets used to the dosage). I had a dream about Osama bin Laden last night. He had shaved off his beard, cut his hair and had gained a lot of weight. (He looked like the father in _My Beautiful Laundrette_.)His family was with him. They took R and me hostage and we flew to England. We were in the airport, walking down a corridor, and a secret service man dressed as a tourist walked up along side me and said, "Don't worry, we have him surrounded." I said, "Thank God," and kept walking to catch up with everyone else. We sat in a corner, and suspecting that someone was onto them, they started praying. R and I huddled together because we thought something bad was going to happen. We talked quietly to one another about what to do, and then we looked up and they were all gone. That was the end of the dream! I woke up and just kept thinking about the dream. I thought to myself, why didn't I sneak off and call the police or something? Oh well. Just a dream. The phone bill from October just arrived. It was irradiated. Almost four months?! And I got a claims bill from October last week. Why didn't they come with the other irradiated mail back in early December? My thighs are killing me today because of running yesterday. Last night I thought I might run again today. Yeah, right. Too much pain, and lousy weather too. I hate New Jersey. Despite all the food I ate yesterday, I'm 125 today. What the hell? Anxiety has its perks, I guess. I stumbled across a book club on Vanity Fair's diary. I would LOVE to join(/apply) it but I don't know a)if I could actually read a book in a month as I am a slow reader and b)if I would add anything to the conversation. But the first assignment is a Margaret Atwood novel! I started A Handmaid's Tale for a lit class 3 years ago. No, I didn't get to finish it. Like I said, I'm a slow reader, and we were doing 1 book ever 1 or 2 days. I think I only fully read, cover to cover, Clockwork Orange for that class. And A Brave New World. Maybe some others. God, that was a great class. Which reminds me, I picked up Wasted last night when I went to bed because I was so out of it and needed to relax. My other current books are on modeling, and that just wasn't going to do it for me. Oh, and the self-help book.... the next step requires writing a letter to my father, and then one to my mother. (No, I won't actually send them.) That promises to be a good bitching session. I'll get all worked up -- opposite of sleep. I've been trying to cross stitch, but I don't have the patience for it at this moment. I'm too nervous. I wish I had a valium. God, it's PACKING AND MOVING, not taking a final exam! What's the deal??? Maybe I will take a melatonin. I should go take it now, though, because in 8 hours I should be waking up. On a side note, I'm really lonely. I can't wait to get back to Massachusetts and be with R and his family and all my old friends!!!!!!!!!! I'm on my way home!Listening to:
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