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Warning: The below space is reserved for bitching and moaning.

Why does the day have to absolutely drag by?! I'm so upset that I'm here. I just want to go home and go to sleep. Or cross stitch. Just be by myself in any case, but NO, I'm stuck here doing nothing. I've done nothing productive today. I took a mensa test earlier. (Did well, too. Only one question wrong.) I've read buddies' diaries. I've been listening to classical music all morning. I made a diagram of the offices in anticipation of writing down where everybody keeps files. I've cleaned out the files above my desk. I've tried to file stuff, but I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. I'm still waiting for one guy to finish a cover letter so I can do some mailings. Ugh.

I do believe I looked hot yesterday. I wore a thong and a matching bra. Over it I wore one of my slimming pairs of pants (which hung off of me) and a sweater. I wore my suede jacket with the fur edging. I felt ...naughty all day knowing that I was wearing a thong. R had walked into the bathroom as I was getting ready for work and saw what I was wearing and just smiled. He loves it when I wear thongs. He pretty much followed me around as I made dinner last night, like a little puppy dog, who REALLY wants something. We had a nice night last night. :) Went to bed at 9:30 which was SO nice. I haven't been sleeping well at all lately. I don't know if it's that my throat is always dry or the satin sheets. I have never slept well on satin sheets. R is in denial. He loves them. I think they are slimy and cold. I love cotton. And cotton underwear, too. Satin underwear makes me itch. R says satin and other synthetic underwear is best for hiking. Yeah, right. That's why my ass looked like a prune when I went hiking and wore satin underwear.

Random: I told him I had put jetdry in the dishwasher and he got all upset. He said, "Did you hear what my dad said about using that stuff? He said it's bad." I said, "No offense, but your dad has proven on many occassions that he is an idiot." He made R look like a fool in front of the inspector. His dad (supposedly a licensed plumber) told R that having a plastic tube on a gas dryer was illegal. Well, R argued with the inspector about it, but apparently it's not true. It's official, R's dad is an idiot. He's always telling R to get second opinions on everything, and when R assures his dad that the person he was dealing with was right, R's dad says something like, "Oh, and you think that this person is your friend? No one is your friend. DOn't trust anyone." Okay, just as long as you realize that that extends to you, idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Ugh, I hate him.

What else do I want to talk about? Not much. I'm feeling thin. Those pants I wore yesterday, like I said, were hanging off of me. It was so cool. But I will have to have them taken in soon. They don't have belt loops or anything. :( ANd they are a really great pair of pants, so I don't want to just get rid of them. So I'm getting there. On Weight Watchers, the least recommended weight for my height is... my weight. 126. So no help from Weight Watchers on how to lose more weight. I don't think I'm just thin enough yet. I still need to get rid of these thighs. I can understand that someone my height, with more muscle, could weigh this amount and be thinner. I wouldn't mind being this weight with more muscle. But I'm not there yet.

On Beethoven.com, they are playing a violin duet that I learned way back when. I love this one. I miss music. I wish I had never given up violin, but I really was no good at it. I miss piano more. I want to own a piano, but R doesn't want one. Too bad for him, some day I WILL have one.

It's almost time for lunch. I'm getting hungry. Yesterday I was eating all day long, but not too many calories. I blew it at night though. I overloaded on tuna casserole. Anyway, I had one baby carrot a little while ago, and I realized that it made me even more hungry. So I tried to wash the taste out of my mouth and not eat anything else. Why do I always have to be eating something? Why can't I just be ana? Yes, it's a horrible illness and all that. Maybe I don't want to be ana. But I wish I could just not eat when I don't feel like it. My stomach always seems to have the final say in these deals. Why??????

Lots of other thoughts in my head, but none of them really make sense. Like, I wonder how much I have weighed during different parts of my life? I was reading a letter I wrote to my friend while I was living in Germany, and I said that I weighed about 140. Hard to believe. I thought I was thinner back then. Oh, but then again, there were these pictures... I was "puffy." I wonder how much I weighed in middle school? I never cared. Not until last year.

Hey, a battle has been won. Not the war, but just a battle. R brought a pop tart to work today. Yay! Oh, wait, I don't think I've talked about this before. He keeps on saying things like, "I really have to start eating breakfast," or "I'm going to start taking my vitamins," or, the most annoying, "I have got to get on that trainer." It's annoying because he never actually does any of this stuff. So last week I put aside a pop tart and a vitamin aside for him. ONly two days, not every day last week. He said, "SInce when are you my mom?" And I said, "When you stopped taking care of yourself." And later, I said, "You know, I'm getting sick of you saying you're going to do something and then you never do it. It's like you're whining and you're not doing anything about it." He kind of smiled when I said this, as if he was agreeing with me that he hasn't done the things he said he would do. So I set aside a breakfast for him TWICE last week. ANd then I decided I would not do it anymore, because I had made my point, but I didn't want to be a true nag. And he took a poptart to work today! Yay! Plus, he actually got on his trainer this past weekend. It's about time. He looks okay with a little bit of extra weight, but I don't really like those new love-handles he's got going.

So, it's time for lunch. Maybe I'll be by again later.

Listening to:
Thinking:
Weight:

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My current state is:

recent entries:

Bah - 138 07.19.08
Losing control - 135 07.11.06
Spa weekend - 132 07.03.06
Drinking too much - 134 06.27.06
Okay weekend - ??? 06.26.06