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1. I never cared about my weight until 6 months ago. I always felt I was fat, but I was never obsessed with it until now.

2. I started playing violin in 3rd grade, trombone in 4th grade, piano in 1st grade, and I have been singing as long as I can remember.

3. I have two older siblings - a sister who is 11 years older and a brother who is 9 years older.

4. They are both adopted.

5. I'm not. I was a mistake.

6. When I was born, my mom was 39 and my dad was 42.

7. My mom smoked throughout her entire pregnancy with me.

8. I'm lucky to have LUNGS never mind that I can breathe.

9. She also didn't know she was pregnant for several months because she was still having her period.

10. My parents adopted my sister and brother because they thought they couldn't have children.

11. They thought the problem was with my dad.

12. Apparently the problem went away in 77 when he quit active service (Air Force).

13. I was a twig until I was 8 because I was doing gymnastics several times a week.

14. I hated gymnastics.

15. I quit and gained lots of weight.

16. I didn't understand that kids were making fun of my weight.

17. I started ballet in 5th grade. And went back to a normal weight.

18. I was sexual "abused" by my neighbor.

19. He was one year younger than me.

20. I didn't understand why he wanted to touch me. I just wanted to be liked.

21. My brother was an alcoholic and drug addict by the time he was a freshman in high school.

22. My sister was extremely religious by the time she was a freshman in high school.

23. My brother would throw huge parties when my parents would go to their Amway conventions.

24. I remember one party where there were so many people that our back yard was trampled flat the next morning.

25. I told my parents where my brother kept his stash. They said they would talk to him about it.

26. They never talked to him about it.

27. I collected bottle caps from one of my brother's parties and showed them to my mom. Nothing.

28. I once found an unopened beer can left over from one of my brother's parties right next to the garage and thought it was evil. I opened it to pour it out so my brother couldn't drink it. It sprayed all over me and I ran inside crying. My mom said, "Oh, it's okay, some people wash their hair with beer." And nothing else.

29. My brother went to jail several times. My father just went and picked him up.

30. I once walked in on him having sex during one of his parties.

31. I was also quoted as saying to his friends, "Don't drop ashes on the fucking sofa." At the age of 6.

32. We had a dog, Jenny, when I was really little.

33. She would go away for days at a time, and come back very hungry.

34. I liked playing in her food bowl.

35. She bit me because I was playing in her food bowl.

36. My parents immediately gave her away.

37. I still have a scar on my face which people think is a dimple.

38. I was the first person to notice Jenny never came back.

39. My favorite place when I was little was the sofa.

40. We had a fire in our kitchen when I was 4 or 5.

41. I was scared by all the noise and commotion of the firemen and such, got away from my parents and ran back into the house. To go sit on the sofa and cry.

42. One of my earliest memories is walking down the street to Bickfords during one of the worst blizzards we've ever had. Not the one in '78 because my mom was still 7 months pregnant with me. It was in '82 I think.

43. We had two cats when I was growing up: Smitty and Snowball. Smitty was older than me and was my sister's cat.

44. Snowball was black.

45. Before we had a name for Snowball, my grandpa would come over and call the cat Snowball. So it made sense to call the cat snowball. He came back and asked us what we had decided to name the cat. Snowball. He said, "That's a dumb name for a black cat."

46. He later got a black cat which he named Sunshine.

47. I am a cat person.

48. I was so devastated when they both died.

49. They died during the same summer.

50. I had two hamsters when I was 11.

51. They were named Julia and Juliet.

52. I had my first big cry-fest when Juliet died. I couldn't eat or sleep for days.

53. I had another hamster, Chipper, who gained a ton of weight, and I was scared of her, so my brother took care of her until she died (only about a week?)

54. In highschool, I had a rabbit named Thistle who was housetrained and was a joy.

55. She died and I got another rabbit, Poppy, who despised me.

56. I would constantly forget to feed her.

57. I would only forget at most for a day.

58. I have recurring nightmares about accidentally starving my rabbits and hamsters because of this.

59. In my dreams, they are never dead, but extremely weak and sick, and I can tell they and everyone else is blaming me of neglecting them.

60. When I have one of these dreams, I wake up and hug and kiss and scratch my kitty Joplin until I fall back asleep.

61. I had my first serious relationship at the age of 14.

62. He broke my heart and I tried to kill myself.

63. That was my first serious anxiety attack.

64. I moved to Germany right after this with my family.

65. I went to an American school at an Army base.

66. I was extremely depressed.

67. That was when I first starved myself and b/p'ed.

68. I moved back to the US after a year and lived with a friend and her family.

69. I shouldn't have left my parents.

70. But I learned a lot about myself.

71. They moved back for my senior year and we moved back into our old house.

72. I dated a guy for the two last years of high school.

73. I don't know what I was thinking.

74. I broke up with him the day after I graduated.

75. I lost my virginity at 18 to the next guy I dated.

76. I was SO in love with him.

77. I cheated on him.

78. He was SO good to me, but had no backbone, and I knew that I couldn't be with him any more.

79. Cheating on him was the easy way out of the relationship.

80. I'm engaged to the guy I cheated on him with.

81. When I met R he was also in his first serious relationship.

82. She dumped him hard and I was his support as he tried to move on.

83. We became best friends and referred to eachother as brother and sister.

84. One day I told him I thought he was hot.

85. He then realized he liked me too.

86. I was still dating the other guy at the time.

87. I still feel extremely guilty about cheating on him.

88. But I was completely honest with him and told him as soon as I had a chance.

89. He said he would forgive me and we would work things out.

90. Two years later, he would still write me letters about how he wasn't over me.

91. R and I went on exchange to England together junior year.

92. We were both miserable and broke up.

93. I left the exchange and took a semester off.

94. That was the best thing I ever did.

95. When R came back, we were different people and got back together.

96. We've been going strong ever since... that's almost 3 years.

97. R's stepfather was my 7th grade health teacher.

98. Everybody hates R's stepfather.

99. I first saw R when we were 16 and taking our driving tests at the DMV. I recognized his stepfather/my old health teacher, said hello, and he introduced his stepson. I didn't remember this until R and I were already dating, several years later.

100. R has swiss cheese for brains and doesn't remember anything like that.

101. I am so in love with him.

Okay, I could go on and on and on. I told mini-stories in there, too. Oh well. It was fun. I'll have to do it again sometime, because that list is not all-inclusive.

Listening to:
Thinking:
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