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Yesterday I weighed myself. 123. That would be just great.

I f I w a s t r y i n g .

But I figure this is just a message from my body screaming, GET BACK ON TRACK YOU BIG FAT COW.

Anyway.

So I did some of my NYC Ballet workout tonight. I could not get past the halfway point. I was tired. I'm beat. But I'm determined to write something in here, that's why I'm still up. And because I'm just stubborn. I'm a taurus. No surprises there.

I'm lacking in strength. Like I said before, I can feel my body getting soft. I need to stop this.

Nothing is more triggering to me than preteen waifs. I saw a whole bunch tonight. Oh, to be that skinny. Just once in my life. And wear anything I want. And just be. Skinny. Boney even.

Dare I dream?

Would I be committed to an institution first?

You see, I'm just not the anorexic type. Depressive, but not ED material. At one time, perhaps. Especially now that I am on Zoloft, no.

Which reminds me, I'm on my last refill. I will have to find a new psychologist.

Ugh.

Welbutrin, anyone? Nate suggested it. Would I be interested in sex again?

Or could it be the tons of caffeine that interrupt my sex drive?

I used to be so, well, horny. What happened!?

Anyway.

Enough of that.

I have to work at 7 AM tomorrow. Gag me with a spoon. This is the biggest low I've hit all week. I absolutely do not want to go. But at the same time, if this is the lowest I can go, woohoo!!!! Good for me. Because I know I will go, I know I will do fine, and the day will go by. 7-3, I can do that. No sweat. Doesn't leave any time to pursue my other endeavors, but whatever. I'll live.

Then ballet on Saturday, and then work again.

Oh, no.

Maybe I was wrong.

I don't want to work at Staples. WWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I need to get cracking on a home-based business, like, YESTERDAY. LAST MONTH, EVEN.

Or go back to school. Just get out of this. Apply at Home Depot and learn as much as I can about fixing up houses and then go into buying and selling homes. That fascinates me.

Anyone looking for a partner in this in the Boston area??????

Yeah. Right.

I can dream.

So much to do, never enough time to do it.

Is anyone out there even listening?

(echo)

Listening to:
Thinking:
Weight:

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My current state is:

recent entries:

Bah - 138 07.19.08
Losing control - 135 07.11.06
Spa weekend - 132 07.03.06
Drinking too much - 134 06.27.06
Okay weekend - ??? 06.26.06