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i'm not here - this isn't happening - last entry / next entry - It's been a long time - 135 | 06.22.06 11:38 amWell, here I am. So I'm back again. I'm 28 now, and part of me is afraid that my metabolism is just slowing down. But I know that can't be it. I shove food down my throat. At least I'm not bingeing and purging. (That's a good thing, right?) Because I still overeat at times, although rarely, and I accept that I need to digest the food -- as a lesson or something. That there is no quick fix. I need to have self-restraint. It's aweful. I hate myself for it. But I'm getting off-track. I want to have more self-discipline. I NEED TO WANT THIS. Why does the world have to be so down on fanatical dieting? I don't think I suffer from an ED (not anymore?) I just need to feel addicted to weight-loss in order to do anything about it. I need to be obsessed for it to work. Maybe I'm not even describing it correctly. Maybe I just need to be COMMITTED to it. (Not obsessed.) I miss being thin. I'm just average. I want to feel my ribs poking out of my chest as I lie in bed falling asleep. Listening to:
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